I'm so c to the u-t-e.
Mary-Kate and Ashley ain't got nothing on me.
Call me the Stuart Little of the SC
or simply the Palmetto Puppy.
When I'm in the Pound all the kiddies pick me.
On October 31st, no one ever tricks me.
I'm so sweet the ladies gotta lick me
from my outie bellybutton to the split in my teeth.
Nothing but lucky charms within my sight.
Tinkerbell and Jasmine are just my type.
High school girls call me Twilight.
With charisma like this, seriously, why fight?
I'm way too adorable t…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on December 13, 2009 at 12:49am —
2 Comments
'Twas the night before Christmas, and with a vampiric stare
I set out on my mission, the smell of blood in the air.
The fire burned hotter, energizing my soul,
as I walked past the sign, "Welcome to the North Pole".
Reindeer were in their stable, the straw as their bed
One with a nose that shone a bright red.
I approached him with care, my footsteps snow-soft
And I thought of a way to get my point across.
After completing the addition,
I returned to my mission
to violently christen
the jolly c…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on December 11, 2009 at 10:00am —
7 Comments
I hate Christmas.
'But Markus, how could you hate something as wonderful as Christmas?'
It's simple. Allow me to give you the holiday season in a microcosm: Christmas music. I LOVE Christmas music.
'But Markus, how can you love Christmas music but hate Christmas?'
Why don't you shut up and let me finish? It's like this:
Holiday music is awesome.
Little Drummer Boy, The First Noel, Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, Jingle Bell Rock; I love 'em all. A lot of people do. They put…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on November 25, 2009 at 5:00am —
4 Comments
So I'm sitting here in the Emergency Room with what I think is a broken toe. I was sparring (boxing) yesterday and someone stepped on it. It didn't bother me at the time, but I was being punched in the face and I guess even pain has a priority list. Late last night it really began to hurt and swell. I tried toughing it out and going to sleep, but the pain was doing a good job of keeping me awake so I decided to watch random movies on Nextflix until I fell asleep. (Actually, I just watched porn b…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on November 21, 2009 at 10:36am —
6 Comments
"All men are created equal." Who said it first? What does it mean? And does anyone believe it? I think a woman said it first. It sounds a lot like 'All men are dogs.' But all dogs aren't equal so who knows? Do all men go to heaven? I bet that would make lame movie as opposed to the Dog one which was great. It's proof that people and animals shouldn't be mixed. So this Halloween I don't want to see any women dressed as 'sexy' cats or bunnies. For that matter I don't want to see any men dresse…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on October 29, 2009 at 4:24pm —
2 Comments
My parents have a new microwave. It's the dumbest design for a household appliance ever. It has no number buttons. Well, that's a slight lie. It has a one-minute button and a one-second button. A one-second button. Why the hell would I want to hook something up for one second?! Who's the ignorant engineer who took the phrase "just a second" literally?
Instead of numbers, this campy contraption has buttons which have pictures of food. It's like Fisher-Price for adults. "Hmm, I need to microwave t…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on October 26, 2009 at 10:53pm —
5 Comments
For the past few days I've been in friendly email contact with an ex-girlfriend of mine. For most of you, contact with an ex may not be a big deal, but for me, contact with an ex without the requirement of a police escort is major. We ended on bad terms, but now it seems we may be able to go back to being friends as long as we pretend we never dated. In the process of ignoring the 800-pound gorilla standing in the room, I started thinking about forgiveness. What exactly is it and do we really fo…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on October 25, 2009 at 11:01am —
10 Comments
I just finished watching
The Strangers on dvd. You know, the Liv Tyler movie where some people show up and terrorize an unsuspecting couple. It got me to reminiscing about past girlfriends. I'm not sure why. Maybe because the movie sucked. Regardless, what you are about to read is heartfelt and honest. (And just a heads up, there's no sexual stories here. You gotta pay me for those tales and videos.) Oh, and I'm changing the names to protect the innocent, i.e. ME.
First, there was a pre…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on October 24, 2009 at 5:00pm —
1 Comment
I know the lion is perceived as king of the jungle, and that may be true, but I now see it's the queen, the lioness who runs the show. People think the lion rules because he lays around doing nothing while the females hunt for food. I see now this apparent laziness is not a privilege.
When lions first came into existence the males tried to hunt, but couldn't get the job done. They mostly just hung out with the monkeys and played around the whole time. Even when they did bring food back, they on…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on October 23, 2009 at 8:34am —
2 Comments
'The Breakfast Club'. It's one of the most popular films of all time. It had this cool quote at the end. It went something like, "You see us in the simplest terms; the most convenient definitions. But we found each one of us is a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal." I can still see Judd Nelson's fist pump in the air. I could be way off, but that quote means that no matter who we are, we all have a some of everything in us so we should mistreat each other. Aww . . . grou…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on October 22, 2009 at 8:30pm —
8 Comments
I'm thinking about going to Venezuela for my summer vacation. I'm not sure about the weather or anything, but what I do know is the last two Miss Universe winners have come form there. In order to be Miss Anything you have to be hot, but I don't see why you have to be anything else.
They have a section in these beauty pageants in which the contestants speak. Why? No one cares what they have to say. No one! I guarantee there's no documentation on Miss Rhode Island's stance on global warming. It'…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on October 22, 2009 at 5:50am —
2 Comments
Digging through my personal library, I came across Jenna Jameson's 'How To Make Love Like A Porn Star'. I flashed back to when I first read it and thought, This is an autobiography. There's not much about how to do it like a porn star at all. It was a pretty decent book, but being that the title was a lie I opened the cover to check the price. In case I ever meet her I needed to know how much she owes me. I was hit with two surprises. One, I paid 30 bucks for this book! Thirty dollars! I can't s…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on October 21, 2009 at 8:50pm —
3 Comments
They say you can only contract mono aka The Kissing Disease once. Amazingly, I've had it three times. The first was when I was living in Florence, South Carolina. Number two went down in Winnipeg, Manitoba. And the charm went down in Okinawa, Japan. I'm an international terrorist.
I'm not sure why doctors would lie about you only being able to get it once, but they're not the only liars amongst us. I don't know about you, but when I was a kid my mamma told me I can do anything I put my mind to.…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on October 20, 2009 at 8:44pm —
4 Comments
The road was straight for what seemed like an eternity
Which was fine.
The scenery was nice
and there were only a few speed bumps.
But then the pavement became rough.
I passed a couple of WARNING signs,
but none were marked DANGER. Although, there is the possibility I missed them, distracted by the Lovely view.
The pavement became rough
And the road began to twist so badly it felt as if it was moving against me.
The view was no longer beautiful.
It was
ugly
and scary.
And to make matters wors…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on October 19, 2009 at 3:04pm —
2 Comments
As I sipped my Code Red Mountain Dew and drifted in and out of flashback my soccer playing days, I thought about my female friends and which of them I would rather be with; sexually speaking, of course.
This thought made me think of how arrogant I am. Not because I could have any of them (I doubt I could have any of them), but because I love the way I can see consequences before actions are taken. I'm not saying I'm psychic, just that I have a Magic Johnson/Greg Maddox-type quality of seeing th…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on September 22, 2009 at 7:48am —
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Even though I seem a bit odd
and my "no's" come out with a nod,
It's still a suicide bliss
when you an I kiss
and commit murder in the name of God.
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on September 21, 2009 at 12:46am —
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I took time
and played with the words in my rhyme,
Ringing out my opinion in with a chyme.
Repeating redundancy as if I was a silent mime
Unsure of my sanity because I've misplaced my mind.
Got a sexy, dumb ex I called 'Miss E'; A dim dime
who thought gypsies were people from Egypt. That's no lie.
She was afraid she would trip if I dropped her a line
And thought being nice when alone made you one of a kind,
But she had a mouth that could suck sweetness from a lime
And hips that could m…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on September 20, 2009 at 7:42pm —
1 Comment
The question is when to move and when to stay still,
turn the other cheek or find the time to kill?
If the voices I hear are an extension of my will
should I embrace myself or silence them with a pill?
Why am I supposed to defend the future with all my life
yet worship a God who let's innocent babies die?
Why should I deny a vampire's existence,
but believe in angels which seem much more distant?
Why do I have my friends' trust without having to prove a thing,
but the ultimate relations…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on August 8, 2009 at 11:08pm —
2 Comments
Indiana and Dub-C; it's the passion that starts us.
X shows the spot, but it's the cross that will mark us.
She's the ink on the quill of poet with the most skill
I'm the finger on the trigger of the sniper with the most kills.
She's the spark of the explosion, the aura of the supernova.
I'm the quickness in the pivot of Kobe's crossover.
She's the joy in your ecstasy and the vision in your sight.
I'm the sound in your hearing and the struggle in your plight.
She's the love in the nun. I'm trick…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on July 6, 2009 at 4:30am —
8 Comments
The precise perception of my passion puts my peers in a panic,
Fickle flip-flop fakes are forced frenzied and frantic.
I'm the hip-hop
Hitchcock
Tight-roping from the tip top.
You're a rusty Tin Man and I'm a tightly wound Tic-Toc.
You rhyme black and white and I'm kaleidoscopic.
I switch spit skittles for whoever wants to cop it.
I can battle Krakatoa because that's how hot my flow is.
You Chucky Cheese emcees just piggyback off Showbiz.
I can turn Alaska to a desert in just one verse
And I can…
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Added by Sir Markus Cross on July 4, 2009 at 2:56am —
2 Comments
