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Just wanted to stop in and get your opinion on my latest cover design posted to my blog...
I would love your input.
Aidana WillowRaven
www.WillowRavenIllustration.com
901-325-1402
I am new to the group and wanted to introduce myself to everybody.
I am an illustrator/designer/agent and am looking forward to getting to know all of you.
If any of you are interested, my site is
www.WillowRavenIllustration.com
and I have some sales going until school starts so be sure to check it out when you have time.
Let me know what you think of my work...
Aidana WillowRaven
willowraven.illustration@yahoo.com
901-325-1402
Well, since its part of a larger story I probably shouldn't say to much (without making myself sound like an ass) but I'll take a chance in hopes you will not hold it against me.
I liked the idea of the wall. I imagined it to be a barrier the older gentleman was putting in place (which cost more than the house to begin with) to keep out the neighbors (who he had known for years, who knew his past wife, who knew his daughter) out of his newly blossoming love/admiration/desire or dare I say infatuation for this younger woman.
As a short story I would like to see some of the following elements developed further.
1). See the couples generational differences explored more; how he planed to ignore them and carry on, embrace them and end the relationship, or embrace them fight the norms.
Conflict ideas along that line.
2). See how she made him feel about himself younger/older/self conscious/invigorated. If it were me I would go for self conscious as it may lend itself more to developing an interesting aspect of his character more. I have not met to many older gentlemen who are self conscious.
3). See his view of the people he wanted to keep off the property and to what extent he was willing to go to hide his affairs from them.
4). See a little more (not to much) but a little more erotic description of the younger woman from his POV, (other things, just wasn't enough for me, although that may be my own corrupt mind.)
A side note, after he walked out onto the deck he referred to the table, outside I imagined, as a breakfast table. I might have looked for a description that lent itself more to an outdoor setting, something akin to lawn furniture or patio wear.
Hope this helps a little. Let me know what you think.
Bill
I went over your short story this morning and found it a good read, I've spent some time on some wind swept Islands so my imagination had some material to work with.
What type of feedback were you looking for with any story entries you might make? I ask as some people feel irritated when suggestions are offered by others they barely know (even if they ask,) they are looking for encouragement more than actual story review. If you are looking for story review I would start by asking if you consider this piece a Flash Fiction piece or a short story? Will you be revising it, or do you consider it a work that is done and ready to go out into the world of readers?
I'll look for your response--I'm going to work today, won't be back home till Saturday--no Internet connection at work.
Bill
I look forward to reading any stories you post in "short story" group.
Bill
Writing a short Story doesn't take long and is fun and rewarding. It can lead to all types of ideas do to it's openness to experimental writing.
So experiment. Go ahead; have fun.
Post it for all to read and give feedback.
Please GO to the SHORT STORY group and become a member
and post a story [under 1,000 words and over 75 words]
http://thewritersbox.ning.com/group/shortstory
Tx,
~Kirsten
:)